fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
