I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
