I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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