so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
