Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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