Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
