I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
