i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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