Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
