just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
