He uses pillows to masturbate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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