the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
