Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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