you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
