Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
