im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
