Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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