I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
