does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
