I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
