I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
