you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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