I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
