i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
