What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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