Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
