i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
