I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
