Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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