DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
