He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
