So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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