ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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