yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize