he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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