Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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