uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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