Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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