They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
