That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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