drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
