My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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