woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
3 2 1 whiskey
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
