420 ftw
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
