I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
