Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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