dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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