You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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