Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
