Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Come on in and take your pants off
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