I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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