So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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