It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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