8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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