got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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