i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
