I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
