I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
