hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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