Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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