Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
