FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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