His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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