Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Randomize
