really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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