If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
