we have pet lesbian snakes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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