Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
