im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
