sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My pussy is not your playground.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
