Non-Jews are for practice
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
