Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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