We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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