sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
