Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
