Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I won the penis lottery.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
