Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
