Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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