My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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