i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
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Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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