I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
