My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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