You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize