dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Let's paint friendship bongs
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need water and some morals
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