i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
