I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the raccoons are back...
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