Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
