Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
