The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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