remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
