smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
